overeducated and underemployed

remember them days y'all?

The lovely Lisa and I were reminiscing yesterday about songs from our college years, and I just have to share these two. Because hopefully they make you as happy as they make me...

and

why isn't my ikea this adorable?

Even the oppressive Chinese government can't keep its people from making the purchase of a well-crafted and affordable leksvik more fun.

this is how white i am

Only you (and the yahoo search engine) know my shameful secret.

i'm right on top of that rose

McDonald's is looking for a designer to create new high-fashion uniforms.

Might I suggest the fabulous Sue Ellen Crandell? Her GAW line of saucy nurse and clown dog uniforms is runway (and restaurant) ready. Sure, you're going to have to get by a slick David Duchovny to hire her, but in the end, trust me, her expertise in taking regular issue uniforms and making them pretty much the same (only a lot brighter!) is really going to pay off.

remember high school?

No matter how old you are, those memories are bound to contain some bad music.

completely unofficial contest

Her Dad's going to jail, her boobs are shrinking, and she's being chased by paparazzi. Isn't Lindsay Lohan ready for glib T-shirtdom? And aren't Randy and Moss the perfect people to usher her into this new career phase?

Apparently the shirt's artwork is ready to go, so all LiLo needs to jump on your chest is a snappy slogan. Bring it!

For inspiration, here are OandU's tasteless, almost all boob-related suggestions:

I got de-bazoomed by Disney

Too Hot for Mickey

Mean Girl

I know Fez. Biblically.

i've got to crow. and question.

I was taking in a bit of Good Day Live this morning while in line for my sugar free vanilla latte (which was suspiciously sugar-full tasting). Poor outnumbered  Steve and the Girls were interviewing Cathy Rigby, who is currently playing Peter Pan in LA. Now I've got nothing against Ms. Rigby. She seems like a good grandma, and she gives a nice "waiting in the coffee line" interview. But she looks ridiculous. When was it decided that post-menopausal flat-chested petite women were the way to go with this role?

Peter Pan is supposed to be the ultimate boy. He'll never grow up! He just wants to run in the mud and eat worms and use slingshots and unknowingly wear incredibly effeminate clothing. This picture does not make me think: Sandy Duncan! Mary Martin! Mia Farrow! And no, it certainly does not make me think Cathy Rigby. What in these women's experiences would make them relate to the part in any way? And casting them  is truly doing the stereotypically short male movie star a disservice. What will Frankie Muniz do when Malcolm is up? Isn't Tom Cruise just another film "experiment" away from playing the boy who could fly? Who wouldn't want to see Macaulay Culkin's slightly tortured Pan?

Ms. Rigby, I guess what I'm saying here is: think happy thoughts while you can. But Aaron Carter and I are coming to clip your stunt wires. We make our move now, or risk buying tickets for the 2030 revival, starring Paris Hilton.

america's secret weapon

Stan Collymore (who?) becomes the second person to quit British show The Farm thanks to Vanilla Ice.

Don't get me wrong, I understand the feeling. Heck, if I could go back and quit my whole sixth grade year because of Vanilla, I would. But you have to recognize and respect the incredible power of annoyance the man seems to have over foreigners. That's why I say send Vanilla Ice to Iraq. The insurgents will quit before tolerating any further chatter or bathroom hogging from one Rob Van Winkle.

word to your mother

I don't know what British TV show The Farm is about, but I love that we've got Vanilla Ice on it, representing the large "riff-stealing erstwhile-rapping yup-yup-saying ugly American" population that has heretofore remained appallingly unheard from. Apparently Ice has been talking big about American power and righteousness with his British castmates, causing Paul Daniels (who?) to leave the reality show with a suitably haughty, "harumph!"

Meanwhile, does the Bush campaign know they've got an untapped resource here? Screw Stephen Baldwin, bring on Vanilla! Dude can cook MC's like a pound of bacon, no doubt he'd tear up the political scene.

rethinking your social lexicon

An irrelevant study reveals what annoying TV phrases your toolbox coworkers are most likely to quote at you. And while you're getting a reprieve on Soprano-terms like "fahgeddaboutit", there's not much time to celebrate when they're being replaced by the ubiquitous Trump-ism "you're fired" (insert hand gesture here) or the Janet Jackson coined "wardrobe malfunction."

This reminds me of when I used to work at Gap Kids. We'd get a new store cassette every month, and every month we'd look forward to the change over like Christmas. "Finally, an escape from June's boy bands and Vitamin C!", we'd cheer. And then we'd pop in July's tape only to find it sucked worse, after only one listen. So we'd soldier on through June for another four weeks, with the faint hope that August would provide us some relief. Which (unsurprisingly) it didn't.

Back to the topic at hand...if you find yourself consistently using a word or phrase that you can picture on a novelty t-shirt worn by a sixth grader, then please, take a second and find a suitable synonym. Spare those around you the daunting task of awarding your "clever" use of a buzz(less) phrase with forced titters of appreciation. I have a sneaking suspicion that we finally will "all just get along" the day no one ironically asks us to.