Or at least, for the version of her that produces hilarious pop trash.
It's ok, but it would be better if it was just three minutes of "It's Britney bitch" on loop, with that evil little laugh thrown in every once in awhile.
Slightly tangentially, I would like to be able to announce my arrival everywhere with dirty dance beats and a sultry "It's Megan bitch."
There are few things that annoy me more lately than the verseless song. It's a trend I began noticing with Lenny Kravitz hits (I just don't need to fly/get away or wonder if he'll see someone again that many times) that has unfortunately only grown worse with time. The biggest offenders? "Clever" emo bands like Fall Out Boy or Panic! at the Disco (paraphrased above). Basically, if it's featured on The CW, it's driving me crazy.
Don't get me wrong. I understand the urge to "take it to the chorus", as Justin Timberlake might say. Choruses are catchy. People can sing along to choruses. They're like pixie sticks in a land of sensible greens. But no one likes the kid who goes a pixie stick over his limit. That kid annoys parent and child alike, and eventually gets sweets banned in your house.
So please, musicians (and especially you emo dweebs)...take it to the verse every once in awhile. Give us some substance. We're getting anemic.
Long ago, Johnny Awesome and I had a chat about Bon Jovi. Essentially, I saw him, he went acoustic, my face was completely and utterly unrocked. Months later, alarming photographs surfaced that made me rethink my acoustic-induced frustration:face-rocking wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
Never one to allow an issue to go unresolved, I received a tip from Johnny today. I am happy to report to all (who have surely been poised, edge of seat, awaiting word of this one): the rocking of one's face by Bon Jovi is not only unpleasant, it is a crime. Please. Do not panic. Simply turn your ironic hair band attentions to a safer source. Perhaps Poison, or Warrant?
I was thinking the other day about all the ridiculous music phases I've gone through, how they somehow all led to this very predictable "indie" thing I seem to be doing now, and what genres I've lost along the way. At various points in time my favoritest band ever (!!!1) has been (in semi chronological order): Madness, The Spin Doctors, Pearl Jam, Nine Inch Nails, Tori Amos, The Violent Femmes, Sarah McLachlan, Skankin' Pickle, The Beastie Boys, Pavement, Jeff Buckley, Liz Phair, Beck, The Who, Belle and Sebastian, The Clash, Spoon, and Ted Leo. Clearly, some of these are still in the rotation. But this post is about the ones that aren't. And more specifically, if they should be let back in. You decide.
Is this what Jon Bon meant by "rocking" them all? If so, I'd like to go on record as someone who would prefer their face to remain unrocked, if at all possible.
I suggest you do the same, and inform your loved ones of your decision. If not, you may suffer the uncomfortable face-rocking fate of this poor unsuspecting Sebastian Bach-looking chick.
And seriously confessing it to you, America. Observe:
1. The wide-legged rocking stance, accompanied by scarfy homage to Steven Tyler.
2. The Flamingo and finger point, displaying both instense emotion and balance.
3. The semi-fetal crouch with the I am so selling it to you face and the nothing is more important than this moment right now, bangs be damned hair.
There is something far far worse than a group of glorified strippers singing about their raw freakiness. And that something is Fergie promising to "get get get you love drunk off her humps" and, I shit you not, her "lovely lady lumps".
Lovely lady lumps? Is that a sexy phrase in any way? It sounds like something that would have come from Sam's boob-grabbing grandmother in Sixteen Candles. Honestly, I'm not sure if I've ever heard anything more ridiculous in my life. Do they laugh themselves off the stage while performing this one?
Normally I love the pop music. Britney, Justin, Nelly, Gwen, whatever, I enjoy it. The music I listen to isn't on the radio anyways, so why not take in the guilty pleasures of top 40 when they're offered to you? Come down from the high horse of musical elitism and tune in to what's making the bourgeoisie and the rebel come together, so to speak. And yet...today I must ask of the bourgoisie and rebel populations: what's with the love for "Don't Ya"?
I can't think of a song in recent memory that has irritated me more than this gem from Tori Alamaze (and then covered by the "female empowering" Pussycat Dolls, apparently). First there's the lyrical content. "Don't ya wish your girlfriend was raw like me" etc. It just feels gross. Janet Jackson covered this ground in "If", and it was much awesomer (I still want to know how to do that dance!). Next, the beat is super 80's, but not in a fun hollaback kinda way. The vocals are entirely unimpressive. And finally, the horn samples feel like an US3 tune was dropped into this piece of crap in an attempt to make it arty. Ooh! Cantaloop!
Really, I just hate it. And I'm curious if I'm the only one.
The Olivia Tremor Control. Labor Day Monday. Also included: Yoko Ono, Cat Power, Spoon, Comets (not as cool as Wires) on Fire. Cruelly on a different forty dollar costing day: Sonic Youth, Sleater-Kinney.
Indie bands have acclimated me to 15 dollar (at the most) concert tickets. Yarr. To Arthur, or not to Arthur?