overeducated and underemployed

dudes. go see the aristocrats.

But be warned, you will feel at liberty (nay, compelled) to chat about feces and incest afterwards, and should probably remove yourself from the public at said time. For the children.

medicore to shitty movies i always find myself watching

...much to the Solomonster's chagrin. Objectively, I can admit that none of these movies are like, Ben-Hur or anything. But for whatever reason, they never fail to draw me in. Is it familiarity? They're often on basic cable. Is it a generational thing? Some of these can easily be attributed to random jr. high/high school movie theatre memories. Do others share my obsessions? I guess I'll soon find out!

The List (to be amended as I remember more, I'll leave it up to you to decide which of these are shitty, and which are merely mediocre)

Career Opportunities

The Cutting Edge

Hackers

Airborne

Just One of the Guys

Encino Man

my main issue with episode three

Bitch, I don't care how hopelessly in love you are with a volatile Jedi, you cannot just idly brush hair this curly.

As punishment, you're going to have to sleep in a nightgown that binds your shoulders to your sides with pearls. Next time you need to play with your hair get some de-frizz and scrunch it out for God's sake, you're a senator and a role model. 

renaming and defaming

I could understand reusing the name of an inferior theatrical release; for example, I am currently writing a brilliant musical adaptation of Jane Austen's Northanger Abbey that is tentatively titled Ernest Goes to Jail. But reusing Kicking and Screaming? That's like calling your high school a/v project Ben Hur.

oscars with the solomonsters

We took in the ceremony, at Tivo-speed, post-Clippers game. The best moments?

- Announcers entering to what sounded like on orchestral version of Carry On My Wayward Son.

- Fast-forwarding through all the songs, and singing Crazy in Love over each of Beyonce's rapidly moving performances.

- Catching just a glimpse of Jose Rivera fiance/woman who introduced the Solomonster and I, Sona Tatoyan.

- Eternal Sunshine, and Charlie Kaufman's first Oscar.

- Kate Winslet. How cool is she?

- Big night for Spanish-speakers and African-Americans! Still, was it necessary to have Cruz and Hayek up there together, both attempting to wrap their sexy but awkward accents around technical sound terms?

- Chris Rock. For the Tim Robbins intro, the Gap/Bush analogy, and for just not really caring.

a terrible confession

As much as I love hollywood, pop culture, and celebrities, I have failed to see the vast majority of this year's Oscar nominees.

Why? Because I hate being depressed. And most of the "best" movies aim to depress you, I find. On the other hand, what clothes people wear, who they are with, and how much their jewely costs is nothing but an upper, so I'll totally be tuning in on Sunday.

Isn't that despicable?

unfortunate juxtaposition

Inexplicably, a smiling, vacant Keanu head accompanies this article:

"A documentary about the lives of aging porn actors that throws a harrowing spotlight on the gay film industry in Los Angeles opened the Panorama section of the Berlin Film Festival on Friday to an enthusiastic reception."

The pictoral implication being, I suppose, that Reeves' reception was particularly enthusiastic? Why, he's damned near glazed over. His apparent giddiness over the "riveting journey into the world of low-budget sex films" has somehow paralyzed him while simultaneously creating a halo effect around his puppy-dog face. The illumination of a world where "drug abuse is prevalent and men die young" has clearly got his internal monologue churning out a contunous barrage of body-numbing "whoas," and thankfully, the AP was there to capture it.

I think he's likely still in his seat, twitching.

dear movie makers, and the marketers that indulge them

You're not the "winner" of a Golden Globe Nomination. You're a "recipient" of the nomination. You're a nominee. And while yes, we know, "it's just an honor to be nominated" it's not winning.

Kindly amend your advertising.

notes from the nerdery

I finally got the chance to watch the special edition Star Wars DVDs over my brief but enjoyable holiday break, and I have to say I'm really disappointed in you, George Lucas. Not because of the extra singers in Jabba's palace, or the awkward insertion of Hayden Christensen as a jedi ghost. No, I'm disappointed that you chose to remove one of the most beloved musical compositions of our time in favor of some lame-ass world music. Do you mean to tell me that the extra celebration scenes could not have been set to the tune of the Ewok's "nub nub" song? This is a song that transcends all species, Mr. Lucas. Black, white, furry, squiddy, whathaveyou. Anyone can (and will, gladly) "do the nub nub."

I was forced to put in a VHS copy of the original Return of the Jedi just to make sure that I enjoyed the destruction of the Empire properly. Honestly. In some imaginary Endor cemetary, Wicket is surely rolling in his grave.

meet wesley snipes, serious actor

Freaking out cast and crew alike to bring YOU the genuine vampire fighting action that you have come to expect from the Blade series. Yes that's right, character actor Snipes "alienated everyone...because he spent the entire shoot in-character."

Given the nature of said character, I think we should all be grateful that alienation was the worst thing to befall anyone on set.

[ed. note for the "blade" incarnation of ryan reynolds: nice arms, but the facial hair is weird. it's a little too aj from backstreet to be like, vampire slayer patrolling the back streets]