overeducated and underemployed

other things rihanna should sell based on her songs

Muzzles.

Batteries.

Flare guns.

Debrox earwax removal aid.

A puppy/cooking classes/a good book/newfound independence.

just in case

...You needed any further reminder that a vote for Hillary means lady parts in the White House, here it is, via the all-important Traveling Pants endorsement.

On a personal note, I am so glad Tibby and Carmen have been able to move on from the drama of dead-too-soon summer friends and parental remarriage. Also -- is Kostas an Obama man, and is Lena's family angry about it? Because I've heard that in this life, family is the most precious gift we are given.

...Family, and a magic pair of one-size-fits-all pants.

inexplicable weather patterns at mtv's studios

Torso and legs = cold.

Shoulders and biceps = hot!

Forearms and neck = cold.

Fingertips = hot!

Either Ashlee Simpson is an impractical dresser (which I flat out refuse to believe) or Total Request Live is taped at a mystery spot.

britney's aunt hits the nail on the head

Judges, toss out your court orders, and talking heads, abandon your carefully crafted insights into Britney's psyche, because Spears aunt Chanda McGovern has got the inside track on the true tragedy of the fallen pop-star's story.

“Not wearing panties is not something a true southern girl would do.”

My stars!

janice dickinson makes even jenna jameson feel dirty

...Just one of the many reasons I cannot turn away from this black-tighted trainwreck.

everyone fugs in oscar season

They've covered so much, and yet there's always more to say.

NAOMI: Where are we going, Nic? One moment I'm asleep in my souvenir Dick Tracy nightgown with matching armwarmer set, the next you're leading me down a red carpet.

NICOLE: Oh Naomi hush! We're best girlfriends, aren't we? Remember growing up in Oz?

NAOMI: But I'm cold and I'm tired and I need a bra. Where's Liev?

NICOLE: Just smile, mate! Think of the good old days, when we threw shrimps on the barbie and surfed for hours. Don't you love this daring color?

NAOMI: No. You're scaring me. And your bow reminds me of the ghost story we used to tell as schoolgirls, about the beheaded woman who is kept together with a ribbon.

NICOLE: Honestly Naomi, I don't know what you're talking about.

NAOMI: That bow is so ridiculous it must have purpose beyond mere fashion. Show me your neck, Nic. Show me your neck or I'll scream.

NICOLE: Shut up darling, you're still dreaming. Now go remind Ryan Seacrest what a sweet and supportive friend I am, or I'm telling people that you're fat, not pregnant.

[ed. note: of course, 7 minutes after I posted this, Ms. Kidman showed up on Go Fug Yourself after all. Ah well, the more mockery the merrier.]

this wouldn't have happened on posh's watch

I know this happened a week ago, but I had to put it someone else: did Vanessa Bryant custom design this Mrs. Claus meets the All-Stars jersey dress with the intention of giving herself a literal firecrotch? Or is this just the kind of happy accident we can expect from a woman who accepts diamonds in exchange for wifely clemency?

i see you guys have presents...where are you headed?

So this Saturday, the generally down to earth and tomboyish trio of Lisa, K-Na, and yours truly got girly. Having complained about our need for haircuts via IM for weeks, we decided to not only remedy the situation, but to do so all together, at the same salon, with the same picture of Rachel Bilson as reference (seriously, if you're looking for some face-framing, this picture can't be beat).  It was a brilliant plan. The cuts were perfect, and we were looking ridiculously hot, natch. Loose in Beverly Hills, giddiness unchecked, we flung our hair about for added effect and planned to do what any sexily coiffed chicks in the area would: get cupcakes at Sprinkles.

Unsure of Sprinkles' precise location and worried that the skies might soon rain on our hair parade, we hopped in K-Na's Corrolla and proceeded to exit the public parking lot on Brighton Way. Waiting to pay, we were lined up with the cars entering the structure, which were stopped due to an anticipated spot departure ahead of them. A man in a Range Rover rolled up opposite our estrogen overloaded selves. Lisa spied the man first, looking dapper in a charcoal suit, and discreetly pointed him out. Discretion was tossed aside shortly, however, when K-Na, unaware that her window was rolled down, exclaimed in awe: "It's Jack!!!"

Mortification. And yet...what was this? He was turning down his radio and leaning out of the Range Rover to chat us up. "Happy Saturday", Kiefer Sutherland said. "I see you guys have presents...where are you headed?" Panties, meet floor. We had no idea we were all in love with Kiefer Sutherland until that very moment. And yet we were, desperately. "Umm...anywhere you are, Mr. Bauer", we thought. What we actually said? Oh...something more along the lines of "We got our hair cut! We are friends!!!".

Would we be for long, though? We couldn't all be with Kiefer.

And then, just as quickly as the traffic flow had brought Kiefer into our lives, it whisked him away. Before I even had a chance to win him over with my compelling impression of him, post-Valencia nuke. Before K-Na could explain the gift bags in her back seat. Before Lisa could confess her bravery that day: she hadn't had bangs in years.

Cruel, cruel fate. The three of us are now destined to wander the streets of Beverly Hills, our hair perfectly roll-brushed, our arms laden with presents, our hearts full of hope that we will once again pique Kiefer's interest.

Oh God. I shouldn't have said anything. You're going to do it now too, aren't you? Damn it.

oksana baiul gets dressed

Supportive bra? Check.

Spanx? Check.

Shoes? Check.

Serving it as though you don't look a dress short of an ensemble? Check.

scenes from sundance: the portrait session edition

There are a few overwhelming themes we're picking up from the indie types at Sundance during their mandatory film portrait sessions:

1. "We love each other."