Say "I love you" just after a person is out of earshot.
Slam a door on someone after hitting them with an angry zinger, then put your back against the door and slide down it to a seated position on the floor, sobbing.
Consistently refer to the father of a friend's son as "Him" or "He," like just the thought of their name offends you.
Stock up on candles and see if your city officials can arrange a blackout.
Offer your opinion on anything and everything. Loudly.
Fire your mother from the CEO position you gave her at your super-successful clothing company. When she reminds you that she's part-owner of the company, stick your fingers in your ears and tell her to back off. Look around your flagship store (in small-town North Carolina) with a sense of contentment, allowing a masked ninja to break in and mug you. Tell your friends that your bruises, including two black eyes and literal handprint-shaped arm wounds, are the result of having fallen down some stairs. Get a gun. Practice shooting, a lot. Look both simultaneously strong and determined and victimized and full of self-pity. Shoot some more.
(BTW, I have been in such a rage about Sarah Palin these last few weeks that I am a complete junkie for this election all of a sudden. I'm wishing I could gather my thoughts about the Republican's vice presidential candidate coherently, but she's such a trap for feminists -- clearly, anti-woman in every way, and yet clearly a woman, and someone I want to make sure I am judging fairly, directly, and without opening myself to any complaints of "sexism," however unfounded they may be. Also, sidebar -- people who are like "she's hot!" calling ME sexist? Please. Anyways, Gloria Steinem said it best...feminism isn't about getting one woman a job. It's about what's best for all women. And with the McPalin stance on equal pay for equal work, reproductive rights (starting with birth control), etc...it's clear which ticket that is.
I guess I just kind of talked about Palin. Huh. More gathered thoughts TK? We shall see. Until then, ooh, look, video!)