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February 13, 2007

afternoon clips: sharks with fricking laser beams edition

- Lisa offers further thought on the romantic and mysterious Kiefer Sutherland.

- Tina Fey zings Aaron Sorkin in his self-important twat. Oh, excuse me, for those on pills I am of course talking about Ron Narasoki, Sonia Karron, or Ana Riokros..n.

- If we don't teach Dolphins to look bad ass, then the terrorists have won.

- Get ready for tomorrow with some cheesy love songs.

- American Idol tells Akron Watson (one half of my favorite cousin duo) to stay home.

February 12, 2007

i see you guys have presents...where are you headed?

Kiefer_sutherland_05So this Saturday, the generally down to earth and tomboyish trio of Lisa, K-Na, and yours truly got girly. Having complained about our need for haircuts via IM for weeks, we decided to not only remedy the situation, but to do so all together, at the same salon, with the same picture of Rachel Bilson as reference (seriously, if you're looking for some face-framing, this picture can't be beat).  It was a brilliant plan. The cuts were perfect, and we were looking ridiculously hot, natch. Loose in Beverly Hills, giddiness unchecked, we flung our hair about for added effect and planned to do what any sexily coiffed chicks in the area would: get cupcakes at Sprinkles.

Unsure of Sprinkles' precise location and worried that the skies might soon rain on our hair parade, we hopped in K-Na's Corrolla and proceeded to exit the public parking lot on Brighton Way. Waiting to pay, we were lined up with the cars entering the structure, which were stopped due to an anticipated spot departure ahead of them. A man in a Range Rover rolled up opposite our estrogen overloaded selves. Lisa spied the man first, looking dapper in a charcoal suit, and discreetly pointed him out. Discretion was tossed aside shortly, however, when K-Na, unaware that her window was rolled down, exclaimed in awe: "It's Jack!!!"

Mortification. And yet...what was this? He was turning down his radio and leaning out of the Range Rover to chat us up. "Happy Saturday", Kiefer Sutherland said. "I see you guys have presents...where are you headed?" Panties, meet floor. We had no idea we were all in love with Kiefer Sutherland until that very moment. And yet we were, desperately. "Umm...anywhere you are, Mr. Bauer", we thought. What we actually said? Oh...something more along the lines of "We got our hair cut! We are friends!!!".

Would we be for long, though? We couldn't all be with Kiefer.

And then, just as quickly as the traffic flow had brought Kiefer into our lives, it whisked him away. Before I even had a chance to win him over with my compelling impression of him, post-Valencia nuke. Before K-Na could explain the gift bags in her back seat. Before Lisa could confess her bravery that day: she hadn't had bangs in years.

Cruel, cruel fate. The three of us are now destined to wander the streets of Beverly Hills, our hair perfectly roll-brushed, our arms laden with presents, our hearts full of hope that we will once again pique Kiefer's interest.

Oh God. I shouldn't have said anything. You're going to do it now too, aren't you? Damn it.

February 08, 2007

owwwwwt sick

My ear is one of the wonders of the world. Its small surface area belies its large ability to wreak pain and havoc on my head. Alas, alack, all that.

If you really miss me, you can read my recaps at Pop Culture Junkies. I just started this week.

Amercan Idol- San Antonio

Veronica Mars

American Idol- The Best of the Rest

Tomorrow I get to see an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist. We'll be focusing on the ear, natch. Till then, did you know you can take four advils at a time, safely? It's true.

February 06, 2007

afternoon clips: i just want your extra time edition

- Christina Aguilera tells newly dewy Ellen that she and her husband keep their marriage alive with "Naked Sundays". They came up with Naked Sundays after earlier ideas Dirrty Fridays, Mouseketeer Mondays and Can You Believe Anyone Ever Compared Me to Britney Wednesdays failed to take hold.

- Was Prince's silhouetted guitar representative of anything? Gee I don't know. Let's take a look at a few of Prince's songs for insight: Cream, Get Off, Overtly Phallic Guitar Behind a Makeshift Scrim, Pussy Control...any answers yet?

- "Wearing a Saints jersey and holding an assualt rifle, Jefferson Parish Sheriff Harry Lee fires back". Don't worry, we're talking about verbal fire here. Crazy, crazy verbal fire.

- Jessica Simpson hurt by the consequences of her own folly. Wah.

- Ryan Philippe hurt by the consequences of his own folly. Wah.

- Scientology Jesus spouse Katie Holmes looking to produce another disciple.

February 05, 2007

oksana baiul gets dressed

Supportive bra? Check.

Spanx? Check.

Shoes? Check.

73197415_1

Serving it as though you don't look a dress short of an ensemble? Check.

February 01, 2007

in light of the boston marketing scare...

Captny20302010030suspicious_devices_ny20_1
...wherein the item pictured above was taken for a bomb, O&U provides you this handy list of other things to be afraid of:

Lite-Brites

Game Boys

Crosswalk signs

One of those LED scrolling belt buckles

Fireflies

Mag Lites

Unrepentent talk of haircuts from eras gone by

Hysteria

..

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