overeducated and underemployed

enlightenment on olympic blvd.

Oh, how I love liberal academic statements of vague profundity.

afternoon clips: sometimes it's still new to us edition

- Coop's haunting of The O.C. (which I imagine to be a lot like the pool-soaked spook that Brooke put on Billy so long ago) has begun. Next? Julie's halter-dress wardrobe is mysteriously tossed aside, lawn-chair style.

- It seems that Britney's hair and makeup people have been safely returned to her. Sadly, her wardrobe stylist is still missing.

- OandU regretfully says an "indefinite" (fingers crossed, impermanent?) goodbye to the rockingest ladies ever.

- Rob Schneider passed out at a women's prison today due to heat and bad craft services. Unfortunately, during the collapse, he hallucinated a new film idea in which he plays a hapless dork whose perspective is forever changed when he must woo Jenna from Survivor while inconveniently turning into household appliances without notice.

- All future Employee of the Month swag to be hereby branded: As Seen in Defamer!

once more, with feeling

New theatre, new-ish show.

the mona lisa of frowns

Truly, it is the most perfect umbrella-shaped display of displeasure these eyes have ever seen.

summer's most important endorsements

I know you're all looking to me for insight on the Big Brother All Stars vote. Look no further. Here's how I'd rank the people I'd like to see back in Julie Chen's house of horrors, and the few who I absolutely, postively, couldn't take for another minute. Go, make haste and enact my will. Mwahaha.

IN (FINGERS CROSSED)
Danielle- too smart to be left out
Howie- too funny to be left out.
Will- Best reality tv star ever. No arguing.
James- Like Will Jr., plus the King of the veto.
Janelle- Bye bye bitches!
Monica- It's on.
Nakomis- related to Cowboy, and somehow not made any lamer for it
Erika- Maybe she can sneak Jack in with her luggage?

MAYBE, BUT THEY BETTER WISE UP
Kaysar- Supposedly a great game player, I have yet to see it. It was foolish to go after James last year and trusting Jennifer was obviously even worse.
Marcellas- Use the Power of Veto no matter what!
Ivette- Pick better people to align with.
Jase- A villain, but goofy. And minus three horsemen. (phew).
Diane- Don't fall in love.
Mike Boogie- Ditto

EH, WHATEVER
Chicken George- no one from Season 1 should be an All-Star. He seems sweet, but I stand by that assertion
Dana- Voted out second= All-star?
Bunky- Hairy. Likeable. Otherwise? Eh.
Lisa- She won already, but without all the ridiculous charm of Will.

DEAR GOD, NO
Alison- She got her second chance on the Amazing Race, where she was, if possible, even more annoying
Cowboy- I know we're supposed to love this guy, but he is the worst player ever, and surprisingly full of himself, all things considered.

work distinctly work-filled this week

With each passing hour, my blog moniker grows less accurate. Still, I think it was Susan B. Anthony who once said, "a girl's always got time to share some Steve Perry, no matter how grown up she's being". So smart. That's why they put her on the dollar coin.

After that video gem makes your day (as it has mine), enjoy more at Pitchfork.

miami heat win nba title

And while I wasn't exactly cheering for Shaq and co., I'm happy they've enabled me to post the following with the utmost confidence:

random spam email title generator gems

The intriguingly mass-produced words of spammers continues to fascinate (or is it just me?). Today's revelation is from Kristin, a one named master, the Cher of her field:

"Latest stuff I think, yes. Be delighted with"

...Wait a second. This isn't from "Kristin". No my friends, Yoda is alive, he is trying to sell me "manhood boosters", and he opens his correspondences on said products with a perky "Hi bro!". I should have known. Forsooth, only a Jedi could create a spam email entertaining both in title and body.

[before, more before]

not so much worried about britney or k-fed or sean preston

...as Ms. Spears' stylists, who have obviously been abducted. Along with any friends or family who would have perhaps been less professionally qualified, but still capable of saying something along the lines of:

"yo, Brit. Wash and comb your hair (even dye it a little darker, if you have time), unclump the mascara, and find an outfit you didn't buy in the junior's section. Seriously. You're a pregnant mother. Matt Lauer is wearing loafers without socks, an act which deserves our condemnation, and yet we can't look past your splotchiness to do so. Help us, Brit. We want to condemn Matt Lauer's European affectations. We need you to be awesome again. We got you a python and a tear away tux outfit to help you remember the good days. Yes, we hid them in the shower, and....quick! Jamie-Lynn, turn the water on, I'll hold the door. Brit, this is for your own good. Kevin! Go, burn that jean skirt! Sean! Throw the trashy platform flip flops out the window!" And so on and so forth.

Surely, it would have happened just like that, had everyone not fled, taking the household's store of common sense with them.

what's up now, national league east?

I don't want to alarm anyone, but the Mets just swept the second place Phillies, putting them nine and a half up in the division. Early, yes, I know. But not only does this team have the requisite team work to make the dream work, they have the support of hottie Michael Vartan (as I learned last week when they played the Dodgers) and perhaps most importantly, the best name in baseball since Bubba Trammell went batshit: Lastings Milledge.

If that doesn't translate to un-fricking-beatable, I don't know what does.

[ed. note: please, everyone, knock wood.]