overeducated and underemployed

never mind straight or gay

Looks like next year there'll be no more Piazza, NY catcher either way.

Sad.

because we never went to journalism school

...and therefore do not realize we are meant to tear her down at every chance, below find OandU's:

5 Positive Things About Tara Reid!

1. She was in The Big Lebowski, and did not ruin it at all.

2. She's a recycler. To think, this circa 1987 nightgown of Dolly Parton's was heading to the trash before Tara recovered it.

3.  She is so sensitive, she worries about the comfort of all those around her. Even inanimate objects.

4. Like an older sister, she learns the hard lessons for you, like, try not to keep 180,000 dollars worth of jewelry in your purse or eff up your midriff beyond recognition.

5. Seriously, her boob did not shoot Gandhi. Which is good, because Gandhi was nice.

the bizarro oc

Apparently, when you are kicked out of your private school and are forced to go public, you are destined to encounter a group of friends almost but not quite like your old ones. The goofy guy is still goofy- but he's also a punch-spiking skater. The brooding and smart guy is still that- but he's not dating you, he actually looks like he's high school aged, and he's of a decent height. Your bff girlfriend still has your back- but she's not going to do it in cowboy boots. The question is: when do you turn bizarro? When do you start having a happy incident free life without long beaded necklaces and pointy flats? When do you start eating?

This is ground Seinfeld did not tread, and alas, we will know nothing until after baseball. Damned baseball. No Mets, and no TV. Jerks.

a cheer up cheney

Just for me. And you and everyone you know.

When it became clear that Condi would not be available for gay buffer duty that day, Dick Cheney and President of the United Arab Emirates Sheikh Zayed Bin Sultan Al Nahyan chose to sit at a comfortable, if awkward, distance.

forget the clips, i am so not awesome.

I won't say much, but the job I am working right now is so incredibly frustrating.  It's making me sad and crazy and angry. Rarr.

morning clips: i am so awesome edition

- Aw shucks. Thanks TIWWDN!

- Check out my foray into TV show recapping at pop culture junkies. This year I am aiming to cover Gilmore Girls, One Tree Hill and Veronica Mars.

- This is so very best. Charlotte Church chooses Liam Gallagher as a member of her "drinking team" whom she'd like to "get trollied" with. Liam returns the "compliment" claiming Charlotte: "could be the next Liam. She's got a great voice. She knows how to get hammered and she freaks people out."

- John Roberts is your new Chief Justice and the dude is clearly pleased as punch. Honestly, I don't think I've ever seen a person more precisely pleased as punch. In fact, I never knew punch could even be pleased until this historical day. Thanks John.

omg, seriously you guys

I cannot even believe that I revealed that Ben and I are having a baby girl! I mean, what was I thinking?! Wait, let me try to use my sense memory to recapture the moment. As an actress, I have excellent sense memory. Ahem. All right Jennifleck (that's what I call myself). Focus. Imagine yourself on the Leno set in your super cute little black maternity dress. And...scene.

Yes Jay, I'm on Alias and I think portraying a strong female is really going to be good for my daughter and...OMG!!! I just told you the sex of my baby! Right so, the thing about doing action scenes when you're pregnant is...wait. Wait a sec. Let's just rewind. Did I just...wow. Bet that's more than you were expecting from this interview, right? Right? O. M. G.!!! Oh hey, if anyone has some name ideas, call me!

Love,

Jenniffleck

for my ladies at hollymo'

Might I humbly suggest changing the title of the "Screamers" column to something more apt? Like, umm..."Stories About Quasi-Assholes I Kinda Stood Up To"?

nbc goes after goliath

...and frankly, should have the slingshot shoved up their collective ass for even attempting it.

We've all heard their pseudo-morning show ads, right? The ones they're hoping you'll confuse with the objective opinions of radio personalities? Well, they didn't stop with My Name is Earl. Today's was all about Martha Stewart's Apprentice, Law and Order and E-Ring. E-Ring, which they promised, will involve "hunky" Benjamin Bratt rescuing us all. Hey, one of the voices suggests, maybe he can even rescue the people on Lost. Yup. He can rescue them from (get this) "all that implausability".

Let me get this straight, NBC. You paid a bunch of people to sound like obnoxious morning hosts in order to lob vicious story crafting insults (ouch!) at an Emmy winning drama that's beating you senseless in the ratings? And you are thinking this will cause me, the commuter, to stop and say, "OMG! These nameless assholes are right! I'm going to ditch the riveting implausability of Lost for the surely reality-grounded E-Ring starring hunky Benjamin Bratt! And since I'm thinking with such lucidity right now, I'm going to drive into incoming traffic! Yay!!!"

You can't be serious. Did Zucker lose a bet?

puttin' on the ritz

Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld take a brief moment before their press conference to ponder the wisdom of closing with an impromptu softshoe number from the Veep.