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Watch out ladies. The price of Backstreet fandom has been upped from simple mockery to maiming. Though honestly, any Carter-ite worth her salt should have been on high alert for this kind of abusive behavior, especially in regards to vehicular transport. Personally, I keep my keys out and ready to jab when I'm walking through a parking lot for just such an instance.
That's right Nick Carter. I will shiv you. Now sing me a pretty song.
I may be a temp, but I'm an incredibly overqualified temp. So please, do try a little harder to mask the disappointment in your voice. Maybe consider not sighing loudly. Really, there's no need to frantically ask when the regular assistant is returning. Things will be okay.
Take a second, compose yourself, and simply ask the question you called with in the first place. You might be surprised. And if not, no loss. That window will still be open for the jumping, I promise.
While the rest of the class stood attentive, Cheney hid in the back and perused the inside of his eyelids.
Bitch, I don't care how hopelessly in love you are with a volatile Jedi, you cannot just idly brush hair this curly.
As punishment, you're going to have to sleep in a nightgown that binds your shoulders to your sides with pearls. Next time you need to play with your hair get some de-frizz and scrunch it out for God's sake, you're a senator and a role model.
With creepy old moustache-rocking dudes.
You know what they say, about the blondes, and the fun? Soooo true.
But before I go radio silent I'd like to get the word out on the I hate JJ Abrams club that I am starting. I mean, I'm sure any number of writers can be held responsible for last night's "the hatch is a neverending ladder leading downward, 'the others' are a bunch of rejects from a Decemberists song, first of all my name isn't Michael Vaughn" debacles. But let's just lump all the frustration on the common denominator here, shall we?
In fact, while I am at it, I'd like to also blame JJ for the "will Luke marry Lorelei, oh, look, here's Patrick Dempsey's wife, is Dan Scott dead (more on that later), is Trey dead and will Marissa fry, (and, now that the confetti high has worn off) why the eff did Carrie win" questions that are out there. I know, it seems rash, but ever since that very first season of Alias, we've had a past, and he should know better.
That's where I done been. T-L offered the Solomonster and I American Idol finale tickets at 3:15 today, and an hour later there we were, cursing the traffic on Highland and panicking over our tardiness. A couple of things:
1. Everyone sounds so much better live. Even Mikalah and Scott.
2. Courtney Love really is crazy. And kinda big.
3. Carrie's dress. Ick
4. Should I be honored or offended that we were seated so close to the Canadian Idol judges?
5. Vonzell's family is cute and ridiculous. Someone in Bo's camp fainted, but it wasn't his Grandma- she was stealing hugs and kisses from the judges.
6. Constantine was probably on speed. Dude couldn't stop jumping.
7. OMG, Jasmine Trias has an album coming out you guys!!! Yeah, the studio audience couldn't muster much excitement over that either...
8. Way to go Idol, tackling ABC and actually doing it well.
9. According to the professional seat-fillers (who were scurrying around throughout), Diana DeGarmo was relegated to the balcony.
10. The wrong person won, but I'll cheer anything when accompanied by fireworks and confetti. Ooh! Falling paper!
The songwriters. Seriously. "I want to be inside your heaven, take me to the place you cry from?" What the fuck does that mean? All three of the original pieces were complete duds. And since when can the finalists sing different original dud songs? I call shenanigans. Oh well. On to the analysis.
Bo: Improved throughout the night. The first song was probably the roughest we've ever heard him, but he used the confidence of "Vehicle" to power through that crap "Heaven" tune, finishing strong. He was nervous last night, which I think was kind of sweet. He's generally given off the impression that he doesn't care about American Idol, and that was definitely not the case in the finale.
Carrie: I really think she should have sung "Sin Wagon" instead of "Independence Day". It shows some personality, and would have broken up the monotony of three belting pieces in a row. My favorite thing about Carrie has always been her effortlessness, and last night, with those songs, she was straining the whole way through. Also, do I need to get my TV speakers checked? Everyone seems to be crazy over her last song, and I thought it was a mess. Some really bad notes in there.
Based on the Simon final remark reverse psychology method of prediction, I say Bo wins. Still, I'll hardly be surprised of America decides it needs another harmless country-pop-tart.
Renee, sweetie, turn the camera around, capture this pose, put it on your fridge and make sure it never happens again. Yikes.
