an open letter to josh schwartz, from marissa cooper*

Why did I have to shoot Trey? Dear God, aren't I fucked up enough? Let's see...My Dad embezzles money. My Mom divorces him. I overdose in Tijuana and am going to be sent to a mental institution. Instead, I go to therapy where I meet a psycho who becomes obsessed with me and eventually locks me in his hotel room with a gun. Meanwhile, my Mom sleeps with my 17 year old ex-boyfriend, my Dad tries to make out with my friend's Mom, I am made to watch a Rooney concert, and my current boyfriend gets his ex-girlfriend pregnant and leaves.

I drink. I throw pool chairs and scream.

My mother, now married to a heartless real estate magnate, is in porn. My father decides it's all right to leave me in this environment, opting to live a carefree life in Hawaii. My ex-boyfriend returns only to date a rat who might be my stepdad's daughter.  I date a gardener. I date a lesbian high school dropout with questionable fashion sense who makes me do housework and dress poorly. I get back together with my boyfriend only to have his brother try to rape me. I have crazy visions wherein my boyfriend's head is replaced with his rapey brother's. My heartless real estate magnate stepfather dies. My boyfriend and his brother beat the crap out of each other, and, oh yeah, I shoot Trey you asshole!

Also, my sister is probably dead, and even worse, has a bald horse.

Every character on this show is well-adjusted compared to me, and I wasn't even raised in Chino. Why couldn't Summer have shot Trey? I mean, she doesn't seem to have any parents, she's indecisive, and she wears a mouthguard while punching a bag but otherwise she's okay. And Seth? All of his problems are self created. How about Zach? I mean, that guy is really boring. Kirsten in a drunken rage? Anna, back from Pittsburgh where she's become a gunslinger? Sandy's eyebrows, finally free from his face and ready to make their mark? Why not any of them?

And what the fuck was up with that music? I thought robots had taken over the show. But then I realized, robots would never be this cruel to one girl. You're worse than robots, Schwartz.

So please, dear God, please cut me some slack next season. I've been trying so hard to escape my past. I'll be applying to colleges, why don't we have an episode where I pick schools, or take the SAT? That's wacky, and relatable. No?

*or, a convenient way for the editor to reminisce on a season's worth of OC posts. i almost worked them all in, too. here are the remainders.
 

Comments

[paul]

I was shocked to realize that the next season starts next week. Seriously, do they film an episode a day? Did all the actors sign a really bad contract where they're required to work year-round? No wonder Mischa Barton hasn't done Playboy yet. She hasn't had time, man.

[Tania]

Hey Bro, I love the Oc, peace out chino 4eva. 4221 Ryans so hot 420 styles!!!!!! holla

[Dylberina]

Hey! me name is Dylberina Koci I am 13years old and I ask yuu what is your favoit animal?
I love OC
OC

[Becky]

Heyy my name is Becky and I am the biggest OC fan ever... I have an OC shrine in my room, and all three seasons (can't wait for the fourth!) I have been watching The OC since I was 7 (Yes, I no it's sad) and I know every line in every episode. I have all the C.D.'s and they are all awesome. I cried my eyes out on the last episode and still haven't gotten over it and I never will. Ryan and Marisa were the best couple and even though I was so mad at Mischca Barton for leaving the show i still watched, and it turned out to be okay. I hated Ryan and Taylor though (sorry.) I wish I could go back in time and stop her from leaving because The OC is the best thing that has ever happened to me. So I am 12 now and understand the show much more and I have never missed an episode in my life. I life in Massachusetts and just wish I could be there in The OC and hang out with Ryan, Marissa, Seth and Summer. And I wish i could have been there for all the crying, the laughs, and the love. But even though I wasn't there I am still in love with the show (and Ryan.) So, Thank you for making the best show ever.

- Becky of Massachusetts

[billy-bob-joe]

heyy. i dont like the oc. it is boring. i like the show 8 simple rules. bye.

[Adrian Santa Cruz 17 años]

Hey! i'm from chihuahua, mexico, so my english isn't very good, but i just want to congratulate all you guys for making the OC my favorite tv program, really, accidentaly i watched the first chapter and i really liked it, i couldnt think anything else in all day but what would happen next day with Ryan and Marrissa, I am a hugge (sorry if i wrote it wrong) fan of Mischa Barton she is the most beautiful and intresting girl i've ever seen, i wish i could sometime meet her in person and talk to her, so is summer woow... everything is perfect its just the way ive always dreamed of living. I have the four seasons in dvd and everytime i see them im the same excited as the first time. An extra season, something like before! you know? or the OC begins, jaja really it would be awsome!!! ... ah and for the record im really obsessed (something like oliver) with marissa and her mom! I envy luck so much

[erwerrewrewwrew]

I don't think that the O.C. should have been canceled!

[stephanie]

hey.im stephanie and i love The O.C and i would love to be on it..i wanna be an actress so bad so if anyone..that knows any agent people please conteact me at hyper_freak14@yahoo.com i would love it if youi did that or even if you knew a friend that knew a agent or some type i would really love this oppertunity to be an actress and show you that i am really good at it.so please contact me if you do know ..
thank you very much!!
sencerly,stephanie!

[sharnika]

hi im sharnika im 14 and that letter i sthe funniest thing ive evr read u go girl lool
lmfa!!! write another 4 a different character

[Izabella]

You is my own star. I have my haert on you,

[sariiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii]

i just wanted / hat to say that the OC is the best show eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer im the biggest fan and ive been watching every episode from the first season to the fourth season every day .... i think i have seen all of them at least 6 times or even more its just soooooo gooooood i can never ever get sick of it / i will never ever get sick of it but in the fourth its realy saaaaaaaaaaaaaad with out marissa.... . :'-( and ryan and taylor are the wooorst cople ever but i cant change it ........ but if they wernt to gether it woldnt be called ----->The OC<----- bya love you all and have fun bya

[molly]

my name is molly and am from kenya...i love love love love the o.c and ryan and marissa even more,that couple was the best ever and i think its unfair that marissa dies at the end of the third season.,and replacing her with taylor was the worst idea in the history of ideas.,okay,sincerely in a serious note, no-one absolutely no-one could ever replace marissa and her death was the last best episode...i love her so much and we have alot in common..,i understood her character and i just wish since her whole character was screwed up,she could have had a better ending,one that was worthy of her..anywaz whoever who made her character die (even if its you josh)...fuck you motherfucker!!!!

[Carlos Alberto Garay]

Hullo. This Marissa Coopper posthumous (may be not)letter is very interesting !!!! Thank you very much. Greetings to you all.
Carlos Garay del Moral (argentine teacher).