an open letter to mischa barton from her breasts

Please support us. We understood for awhile...you were playing a lesbian, and it was a character choice. But now, we mean, you're getting back together with Ryan. Shouldn't he have to work to get at us? Don't you think an awkward "how do I get this bra off" scene would be sooo cute? No? Listen, just talk to Josh about it, because right now we feel so exposed. Every time you bend over we're afraid we'll end up just like poor Janet Jackson's right breast. And we're not looking for that kind of attention Mischa. We're content where we are. Sure, we'd prefer it if you would get rid of Brandon, but we'll endure a lifetime of his greasy hands if you just please, pretty please, save us from premature sagging.

Also, ummm...we're not taking sides on this one, but expect to hear something from your spine shortly. He is really getting pissed about the slouching, and he won't shut up about it. So humor him, for our sakes, if you can.