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It's the end of the day, and we have cleansed ourselves of Hollywood's yearly self-congratulatory-star-fest at last. Time to turn our attention to the world's real "stars." Take, for example, our Vice President, one Mister Richard Cheney:
Look at him work this red carpet lined with adoring teenaged fans! He's a statesman and a stud, a puppet-master and a pin-up, a hard-hearted-halliburton-helper and a heartthrob...swoon!
- Slate talks London Calling. A topic to which we will always listen.
- In avoiding one lawsuit, Michael Jackson manages to get named in another. He should probably stop moving, talking, breathing, and oh yeah, molesting, to avoid any further litigation.
- Bummer for Cynthia Nixon. Miranda, don't you watch The OC? Living with your lesbian lover is all about paying rent, washing dishes, and being a responsible boring adult.
- Are we supposed to applaud this? Because I'm kind of disgusted. Still, I'm glad I pushed through and made it to the end for this enlightening financial tidbit "It's good to make your money into more money."
- Still more Oscar news: Vanity Fair held the best party, and the Rivers family can't find much fault in the fashion.
...We're bringing it back to what we know best.
Behold! The crimes of the Mischa!
Doubting that she will ever win an Oscar herself, Mischa opts to merely dress like one on Hollywood's biggest night. And look! She's forced her sister to cart her around, playing the role of proud/flabberghasted Mischoscar winner, all while sporting the tragic doily-look Mischa would have worn, had it not become necessary for her to be swathed in gold.
We took in the ceremony, at Tivo-speed, post-Clippers game. The best moments?
- Announcers entering to what sounded like on orchestral version of Carry On My Wayward Son.
- Fast-forwarding through all the songs, and singing Crazy in Love over each of Beyonce's rapidly moving performances.
- Catching just a glimpse of Jose Rivera fiance/woman who introduced the Solomonster and I, Sona Tatoyan.
- Eternal Sunshine, and Charlie Kaufman's first Oscar.
- Kate Winslet. How cool is she?
- Big night for Spanish-speakers and African-Americans! Still, was it necessary to have Cruz and Hayek up there together, both attempting to wrap their sexy but awkward accents around technical sound terms?
- Chris Rock. For the Tim Robbins intro, the Gap/Bush analogy, and for just not really caring.
Was the Seth/Summer Spiderman homage so egregious as to prevent you from watching The OC ever again? I say no. It was silly, but that's how I like my teen dramas. Still, it seems as though quite a few people are up in arms over the cheese factor, and are threatening boycott.
At least we all can agree on how delightful it is to see the new characters bow out. Losing Lindsay and Zach in one night? Score! We're just one lesbian away from life as it should be.
Job interview, at 1.
Yikes!
A recap, and more important news of the day to follow post-lunch....
Update! I had a great interview, but for a job (it turns out) I don't want. Yay for meeting people!
As much as I love hollywood, pop culture, and celebrities, I have failed to see the vast majority of this year's Oscar nominees.
Why? Because I hate being depressed. And most of the "best" movies aim to depress you, I find. On the other hand, what clothes people wear, who they are with, and how much their jewely costs is nothing but an upper, so I'll totally be tuning in on Sunday.
Isn't that despicable?
In our uproar over people cloning, did we forget to concern ourselves with the apparently burgeoning practice of people grafting?
Egads! She's like one of those kids books where you can pair up the parts of different animals to hilarious effect.
- The writers at Teen Hollywood (oh, how I love them!) are just so gosh darned literal.
- Oh my god. I know it's cruel to them, and Pam Anderson is going to shun me for this, but I so want pool penguins at my next party.
- Bloggers, living the thug life. Obvs.
- A "spot of lap dancing?" Is that anything like a spot of tea?
- Jared, Judd, Melinda and Sarah voted off American Idol last night. I thought Melinda and Judd deserved another shot, but then again, they weren't in my top six either, so whatever. Ryan has really honed his cruel reveals over the break. Damn.
The cocky, indignant virgin.
Every reality dating show has to have one. Usually male, the CIV is your average cheesily attractive contestant until he "opens up" and has a "heart to heart," wherein his virginity is revealed. Then, the CIV suddenly becomes a bizarre incarnation of his former self. As his insecurity levels rise (inevitable, no virgin survives till the end), so does his obnoxious frat-guyness. He's a twitching, nervous, confident, proud mess.
The mantra of the CIV is generally some variation on the "it's not for lack of offers, buddy!" claim. Other favorites of the CIV are "my body is not a theme park/roller coaster/thrill ride/wonderland" or "you don't respect me/I respect my body/R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me." When cornered, the CIV will sputter these mantras on random, like a nervous asshole version of the life-affirming William Hung bobblehead doll K-Na was so kind to give me for Christmas this year.
My favorite CIV of late is The Bachelorette's Josh. On Monday's reunion special, despite being kicked off the show eons ago, he continued to torture audiences with his cocky indignance, shaking his shellack-hair-topped-icky-goatee-adorned head with pride over his decision to be a 28 year old virgin. He seethed, assuring us all (once again) that he could get bitches, okay? He could have sex right now if he wanted to. He could fuck every person in the audience!
I guess Josh (and other CIVs, listen up), the point is, if you're doing the whole virginity thing for you/God/your mom/whomever, that really shouldn't be the focus. You probably should remember the reason you made that decision, and drop the cocky indignance. Just be a V. And hope that some day, a Trista /Meredith/Jen type will take that V away.
