the math of movies

Even as Julia Roberts plans a lengthy break from film, she issues a cryptic challenge to writers:

The script will have to blow me away. The babies will be a great factor, like anything that makes your life more interesting and more enjoyable. Scripts will have to continue to compete with the quality of my life.

So...if Julia's life equals x, and Phinnaeus and Hazel equal y, then

X + Y > Mona Lisa Smile

And if we let Lyle Lovett equal z, then we can see that

X + Z < Pret a Porter, I Love Trouble, and Mary Reilly

So...to win Julia's participation in a film, in this new x + y - z world of hers, you're going to need an unbeatable character compostion of flawed do-gooderness, romantic appeal, soundbitey moralizing, and of course, healthy doses of  sass and pluck. In other words, (to quote Lemony Snicket), she'd have to play tap-dancing ballerina fairy princess veterinarian.

I've given you the equation. It's up to you, screenwriters, to make it happen. Please, don't keep Julia from us.