overeducated and underemployed

reason number 259 oandu is childless

Apparently, you have to bring children to the bathroom with you in public places. And sometimes you have more than one child, so while you're in a stall with the youngest (who is wailing, "just give me some PRIVACY!!!"), the middle one is pulling on the paper towel rack and making weird grunting noises, and the oldest is sighing and asking for patience from her siblings in the most disdainfully mature voice she can muster. Somehow, during this madness, you're supposed to pee.

Are you kidding me?

[ed. note: this is all hypothetical of course. not a scene i witnessed in the women's bathroom at macy's just an hour ago.]

morning clips: it never rains in southern california edition

- Jeopardy announces plans to start a "Tournament of Champions," or "Tournament of Contrived Ways to Get Precious Ratings God Ken Jennings Back on Our Tired, Tired Show."

- Sharon Osbourne to talk about her "intimate bits," professionally.

- Paris Hilton's intense A.D.D. induced hatred of light shines new insight onto the employment of night vision whilst bedding her.

- Les Moonves puts world domination plan on hold to marry fiancee/worst reality show host ever,  Julie Chen.

- AP News reveals shocking truth: Europeans far cooler than us when it comes to bad words and boobies.

the only year end list that matters...

OandU's Top Ten Cheneys of 2004:

10. Bored Out of His Mind With Your Petty Concerns Cheney

9. Pretty Pretty Princess Cheney

8. Cheney Has a Sense of Humor. And it's really creepy.

7. Cheney Doesn't Trust You, and is Probably Hiding in Your Bushes (no pun intended)

6. This is Your Cheney on Drugs

5. Barely Containing His Contempt For You Cheney

4. Cheney in Love

3. Camel Toe Cheney

2. The Famous Cheney Endowment

1. The Cheney That Launched a Thousand Ships

Wait, there's more! We're offering you a bonus Cheney to bring you luck in the New Year:

Yes, Cheney knows he has confetti on his gleaming white forehead. What's it to ya?

Phew. There you have it ladies and gents. 2004, the year in Cheneys. Here's to an angry, awkward, and unpleasant genitalia highlighting 2005!

a brief detour

How to help Tsunami victims.

santa (and I) have such excellent taste

I'm outta here (yay, shortened work days!) to enjoy the many exciting books/cds/dvds that jolly Saint Nick brought me this year (see sidebar for details). So far, they're all quite good.

Be sure to tune in tomorrow for more well-researched and hard-hitting reviews.

notes from the nerdery

I finally got the chance to watch the special edition Star Wars DVDs over my brief but enjoyable holiday break, and I have to say I'm really disappointed in you, George Lucas. Not because of the extra singers in Jabba's palace, or the awkward insertion of Hayden Christensen as a jedi ghost. No, I'm disappointed that you chose to remove one of the most beloved musical compositions of our time in favor of some lame-ass world music. Do you mean to tell me that the extra celebration scenes could not have been set to the tune of the Ewok's "nub nub" song? This is a song that transcends all species, Mr. Lucas. Black, white, furry, squiddy, whathaveyou. Anyone can (and will, gladly) "do the nub nub."

I was forced to put in a VHS copy of the original Return of the Jedi just to make sure that I enjoyed the destruction of the Empire properly. Honestly. In some imaginary Endor cemetary, Wicket is surely rolling in his grave.

red state advertising

On an otherwise unpleasant trip to North Carolina (from which I have just returned...sorry for the lull there) I had the distinct pleasure of hearing a commercial for a store that I believe was called Guns Plus (the plus being gold and diamonds, which, of course, you need right near your guns).  This commerical, after detailing the store's superior products, service, and pricing, closed with the following slogan: "Guns Plus: for all your Homeland Security needs."

And I can't decide. Is this depressing, or hilarious?

since it's that time of year...

And LA Blogs wants to know, here's shopping, Megan-stizz. It's been awhile, but please, enjoy this week's Los Angeles Insight

1. Start big, if you had to pick a favorite mall, which one?

The Fashion Square. I remember when it was one story and open air, and it's where I did all my junior high hanging out.

2. Least favorite mall?

The Beverly Center, because it's annoying as shit.

3. Favorite shopping street (example, Montana, Melrose, Robertson, etc...)

Oh my God, I'm such a valley girl. Ventura, in either Studio City or Sherman Oaks.

4. Go-to gift shop, i.e. where do you end up, knowing you can find a great gift?

Neighborhoodies, at Sunset and Vine.

5. When you decide to treat yourself to a gift, where do you duck in to?

Rhino Records in Westwood.

6. Where do you go to find great deals?

I go to a magical store called the internet.

7. What gift does every Los Angeleno need?

A parking spot just for them, wherever they go.

8. Ahhh, enough consumption, what is your favorite local charitable cause?

APLA, KCET, KCRW,  The Amanda Foundation.

stop. you've gotten enough.

Earlier this week, at a certain studio christmas party, I had the pleasure of hearing a little "Don't Stop Till You Get Enough". And in that moment, as I was happily dancing, I said to the Solomonster, "you know, it just doesn't matter how many children he's molested, Off the Wall/Thriller era Michael Jackson will always be a good time."

I might have been wrong.

there's eccentric

...and there's insane. I think we all know that J.Alexander crossed that line ages ago, but isn't it nice to get a visual reminder?

In other fashion news, Eva has been crowned your next top model to fade into obscurity. I love this show, but honestly, even if the winners work, who knows anything about random models? There are so many shiny pretty faces trying to sell me products I don't want...I don't have time to keep track of them all, even if they were taught to walk by Queen Doily von Riding Hood (pictured above).