"Nick and Jessica Explain Themselves to the Family"
Ostensibly this is about their marriage, and whether or not it's on the rocks. But I like to envision it all going down kinda like this:
Lights Up
The Lachey family is gathered around their dining room table for Thanksgiving.
DADCHEY (leans over to son): So....who's the vapid virgin emeritus again?
NICK: Dadchey! That's Jessica! We went over this at the wedding.
JESSICA: You might not recognize me, because at the wedding, I was a princess!
MOMCHEY: Nick honey, let's never speak of that day again.
NICK: Listen Momchey. I respect you very much. But Jessica is my wife now, all right? Besides, she's just acting stupid.
JESSICA: It's ta-roo!
DADCHEY (muttering, to self): In a boy band, and he's got to do this to get laid? Even O-Town gets pussy.
JESSICA: This is delicious Momchey! What is it again?
MOMCHEY: Turkey.
JESSICA: Wow, that's neat. At my house on Thanksgiving, we sacrifice an ugly sister. But we ran out of them, so, here I am with you!
NICK: It's true. Ashlee barely made it.
JESSICA: That's what that song Pieces of Me is really about. It's not a smiley, we were going to chop her up.
NICK: Simile sweetie. And actually, that would be more of a metaphor.
JESSICA: What's a meta for?
NICK: You're such a good actress, babe.
Dadchey begins to beat his head against the table. Momchey sheds a single solitary tear as she starts to clear dishes. Nick and Jessica make out over the stuffing and cranberry sauce.
Lights Down
Okay, that's brilliant.
Posted by: Jason | November 30, 2004 at 12:30 PM