who is the effing muffin man?

The one bright spot for me on Tuesday and Thursday mornings is that those days are muffin days. Muffins, yeah! They break up the monotony of the OftenHardByTheTimeIArriveToWork Bagels, which we get on every other day. We used to get the OHBTTIATW Bagels everyday until we staged a corporate coup and won the two days of muffin heaven.

So anyway, I was really looking forward to having one of those delicious muffins. Especially, the one with the little yummy chocolate chips inside. I enter the kitchen mouth all watery and then SHOCK, HORROR, AGHASTISHNESS!!!!!!

Someone had actually taken it upon themselves to cut off the top of the only chocolate chip muffin left. They cut the fucking head off and left the body! Can you believe that shit? This is some muffin hostage holding office kitchen insurgent shit. I felt like screaming, "You moved the headstones, but you didn't move the bodies! Why! Why! Why!" (Thank you Craig T. Nelson.)

Yeah, yeah. I know. Just eat another kind of muffin, right? NO, FUCK THAT! The other two muffins left were the retarded ones with pecans and poppy seeds. Who the hell wants to eat pecans and poppy seeds first thing in the muthafuckin morning? Maybe birds and squirrels do, but I sure as hell don't. I don't know who the culprit was, but I made sure to say how ghetto cutting off the top of the muffin was. And then I ate the muffin torso and went about my day.

[ed. note: top o' the muffin to you, chino!]

Comments

[Tara]

Eating just a top of a muffin? Megan, that is just so wrong on so many levels.
Muffin rage! Let's find the culprit.....

[Tara]

Oops! Sorry Chino Chang!!!!!!!

[megan]

Congrats on the anniversary Tara! (and don't worry, I'm sure Chino will understand the mix-up and enlist your aid as well).

[Tara]

Thanks. :)