i might be a bitch

There's just nothing worse than incredible success enjoyed by people younger than me. Especially when they seem like they're probably not stupid. Right? People about whom the following can be written in earnest: Natalie Portman says that now that she's finished Harvard she's ready to go in a new direction. Seems innocuous enough, until you realize that "new direction" as used here does not imply the standard post-college "move back in with parents" or "work a shit job" so much as "make movies and earn lots of money" while possibly "having sex with Zach Braff."

I think movie stars, if they choose to jump off the Hollywood path and go to college, should have to start at square one like the rest of us saps after graduation. They wanted a normal life, they should have it. That's why I'm inviting Natalie Portman to be a Fox intern. Hey, Natalie, you know this lot, you'll love it here. Come on over. File my scripts.