So I'm innocently getting my coffee this morning, being subjected to the local Fox affiliate's morning show (ugh, Jillian Barberie) when I am struck with a vision of a man from my past: Scott Baio. There he is, giving an interview, looking quite haggard, promoting effing Baby Geniuses 2, and discussing being recognized on the street as Charles. The other annoying woman on the show (the one that isn't Jillian Barberie) asks him, "What's the funniest thing a random person has ever said to you?" His answer is immemorable and lame, but it reminds me that if someone were to ask me, "What's the funniest thing Scott Baio has ever said to you?" I'd offer them this reprinted email, dated October 24, 2002.
MEGAN'S CONVERSATION WITH SCOTT BAIO
a play in one act, adapted from a true story
Lights up on a small room. Two assistants, GWYNE and DIONNE, are at separate desks, answering phones and typing intermittently. MEGAN, a candidate for one of those assistant's positions, enters from the main door, and sits in one of the two guest chairs available.
Dionne (to Gwyne): Where's Chachi?
Megan, though she hears this exchange, remains quiet. As always, she is nervous...it has been too long since she has had a steady paycheck. She glances over her resume for the hundredth time, finding new faults to worry over.
Two men enter the room. One is older, he carries a bag on his shoulder, and immediately begins talking to Gwyne. The other, oddly enough, is SCOTT BAIO. Scott seems irked at how much the older man talks. He looks over towards Megan, and seeing that there is an empty seat next to her, moves in her general direction.
Though Megan is wrapped up in her fear, she cannot help but notice that Scott Baio is approaching her. She recalls that her boyfriend has been singing the "Charles in Charge" theme song in the shower for a few weeks now. She represses a giggle.
Scott Baio: May I sit here?
Megan: Of course, I don't see why not.
Scott sits, and begins reading the latest copy of Variety. A few minutes pass in relative silence- Gwyne gets the older man some water, Dionne answers a phone...general ambient office noise.
Scott Baio (to Megan): You look so familiar. Do I know you?
Megan (surprised): No, I don't think so. I'm not sure where you would know me from.
Scott Baio: How old are you?
Scott Baio considers this for a moment.
Scott Baio: Are you Irish?
Megan (hesitant. What kind of question is this?): Yes.
Scott Baio: Okay.
Megan considers the exchange. How does Scott Baio think he's going to figure out who she is from these three questions? She's only part Irish, does this matter? Did she lie? And dear god, did she accidentally sleep with Scott Baio back in his playboy years?
Scott Baio: Are you here to pitch a show?
Megan: No. I have a job interview.
Scott Baio: What's the position?
Scott Baio: Well. Good luck.
STEVE, the man who is interviewing Megan emerges from his office.
Steve: Sorry I kept you waiting.
Megan: Don't worry about it, I hardly noticed.
As she says this, Megan realizes that for the first time it is true. She looks to her good luck charm
Scott Baio, and walks confidently into Steve's office.