- Johnny Depp in talks to play Ozzy in upcoming biopic. For the role he plans to get sauced, avoid learning any lines, and allow the actress who plays Sharon to cart him around like one of her many puppies. Prospective audiences are already annoyed.
- Bob Dylan, clad in only the free panties he earned in exchange for his bizarro-spoken word turn in Victoria's Secret ads, accepts an honorary Doctorate from St. Andrew's in Scotland. All these rock stars being knighted or doctored or baroned or what have you. It really makes you feel like school was a complete waste, doesn't it?
- Elton John debuts songs from his new Billy Elliott musical. Reportedly, the musician was so touched by the film when it came out he instantly transformed into a blubbering mess of flesh, flashy colored suits, and glasses that had to be carried out by his friends. On a slightly different topic, I'd like to see Elton do a little ballet dancing. In the shoes he wears in Tommy. And I would not like to see any more uplifiting British films turned into musicals.
I have to admit, even after detailing the oddball things that they do in their later years, I'm feeling a little remorse for having never fashioned myself into a rock n' roll genius. And especially after reading the Pavement book, I'm feeling remorse for having never found such a genius, so as to play random percussion instruments from his coattails. [ed. note: I still love you, Bob Nastonovich.]